you are under arrest...

It's true.  I have heard those words before.  And, me being me, met those words head on with a fit of giggles.

Let me set the scene for you:

It was 1 o'clock in the morning and I was on my way home from work... heading west bound on a little 2 lane road.  I was driving a little red car. I come to a blinking red light at an intersection (2 lanes heading north, 1 middle turn lane, 2 lanes heading south) look both ways and cross...

1 lane
2 lanes
turn lane
3 lanes
4th lane...
halfway through the 4th lane I get smacked in the back-end by a very large truck.  He goes over me from front to back, twists me around a few times, goes over me from side to side, twists me around some more...
I come to my senses looking out the missing windshield to see that the very large truck is wrapped around a telephone pole.

I believe in miracles - and certainly did as they pried me from my car and I watched the truck guy climb out of the cab of his very large truck.  A. we were all okay (they estimated truck guy going between 80-85mph) - B. he hit me right where my son's car seat was always strapped in and - C. my son was not with me.

Now... me being the ding-bat that I am (and for whatever reason) did not have my driver's license with me.  I rattled off my name, DL number, date of birth etc., but did not have the actual license.  So - that night I got a ticket (always carry your license with you!!!).

Let's fast forward a couple of weeks...
I had been dealing with the insurance company (the truck guy was not driving his own truck, and the truck he WAS driving was un-insured... if you do not have "un-insured motorists coverage" on your auto policy - I highly recommend it!!!), crying on the phone several times a day with "the mama" on the other end, trying to find some wheels, etc. etc. (etc. really means "I forgot to pay the ticket") etc., when a knock comes on my apartment door.  I open it and hear:

"ma'am, we are having a warrant round-up this week-end and you are under arrest..."
I giggle.
And.............. off we go!  I basically RACED the police officer down to his car - I was officially under arrest!!! I was so excited - I was gonna have a record!  I rode in the front (no handcuffs... do I not look menacing enough?  geesh...) and after much begging and pleading I FINALLY got to turn the pretty lights on!  No siren though... again, I guess I'm not menacing enough...

and voila! We're at the police station!!!  I carefully helped select my convict number - then got to participate in a photo session!  I vetoed a few of the mug shots - but in the end was very happy with the selected photos. (It was then I realized my left side is my best side.) I could very well be the only person in the world grinning in my mug shots. LOL! 

FUN! (I'm SO hoping my son never reads this 'cause I don't recommend going to jail... really...)

I got to read the novels written on the holding cell benches per my request - I didn't really get put in there - but I HAD to go visit the holding cell, right?  And I'm still slightly miffed that I didn't get to wear some stripes or at the very least an orange jump suit. I paid my money, thanked 'em and was heading back home in no time!  WHO in their right mind THANKS the arresting officer for going to jail?  I did.  It was FUN! I even saw the arresting officer a few times after (I had to have him buy me dinner a few times... he had all my food money after bail, warrant fees, tickets, stuff...) Now if I could just get that left facing photo... I tell ya - it was a good one!!! 
Now you know - I'm a jailbird.

do you think she knows i have a record? hmmm....

Good times, good times...





Oh - you want to know who is getting cuff'd?  Well, besides me? (should we make the winning convict wear orange? hmmmm.....)
Since the Superbowl Tailgate party got rescheduled (Mr. Flannery called us - and I quote: "a bunch of wimps" - as he was on his way out to go ice fishing in Minnesota *pfft*) due to freeze-my-freckle weather - The Mindy picked a number over the phone line (they did not freeze...)!

Sylvia, (she's at Casa Bella... have you been over there? It's one of my FAVORITE hang-outs (even better than jail!!!)) you are under arrest!
 

And even though Sylvia doesn't look menacing - she's getting cuff'd! Congratulations!

Thank you EVERYONE for joining in! Now you know... I have a record... does that really surprise you?

Comin' to you LIVE from a single-wide (where I say: always wear your seatbelt. drive safely. carry your driver's license.  grin in all mugshots - it throws 'em all off thar in the jail...) hee-hee

i fought the law...

I've been locked up workin' on some Saddle Tramp shirts and other fun stuff...

and some of them are just totally off the cuff (literally)...sew I took the cuffs and made some bracelets!

(yes indeedy - that is a faucet handle thingy...)

Cool, huh?

 Tell me which one you like (out of the four convicts)...

(this is my favorite... vroom, vroom)

and I'll have a drawing at the Tailgate party "The Mindy" is hostessin' (to watch the hockey game between Ol' Miss and the Miami Dolphins)

 and we'll see if YOU fought the law... and won (yes, you get cuff'd if you're the winner... 'cause I'm a red.neck and that's how I roll my cuffs up.)!  How's that? (deadline for writin' your name on the "wanted" poster at the post office is midnight: Friday, February 4th.)

Comin' to you LIVE from a single-wide (where I fought the law - the law won - and I have a jail story (I know - that totally surprises you, right?) I'll go into story tellin' mode when I announce the winner Monday, February 7th... have you ever been to jail?  Curious minds...) hee-hee

what a red.neck wears...

After I rob a bank  win the lottery start playing the lottery in the hopes that I could win...

here

I would own these boots. Heck. I'd proll'y even sleep in these boots.  Heck... I'd proll'y even keep the duct tape off these boots.

And - since I robbed the bank won the lottery after I started playing it I would wear this skirt with those boots (and a saddle tramp shirt ofcourse!).

here

This spring I keep catching myself stepping over the flip flops *shock/gasp/whaaaaaat!!!!!!* and stepping in to my cowgirly boots to wear with my skirts.

What. is. happening. to. me.?!!?.

Comin' to you LIVE from a single-wide where I have to stop looking at those boots or you might be coming to get me out of jail... and though we all know how much I enjoyed jail - I'm not sure if now's the time to head back there. (If I did go and you had to come get me out - I'd share my loot with you - pinky swear.)

Tailgates and Trunks...

The lights came on at The Primitique...

You could hear the pitter patter of our feet...

We were lining up...

All hands were on deck...

You better believe...

It was time to see...

Some creative geniuses at work!!!

I had the honor of hanging out with David and "the Mindy", Cathy and Mr. Junkin', Steve - Pam the genius behind the awesome windows, ALL day on Saturday!!!  Talk about some FUN!  Not ONLY that... I got to meet Jillian of Virginia House and see Lezlee of Prior again!  Lezlee had her sister, mother and woodworking guru, Josh (her son) along for the ride!  It was so interesting to watch their creative minds working while they were looking for treasures - I'm not kidding!  You could see the four of them creating things where they stood!

It was my first time to meet Cathy, Steve and Pam of "Girls Gone Junkin'"... and let me tell you - it's possible they have me as a stalker faithful follower from here on out.  Have you been to visit those crazy people (and there are MORE of them I haven't met yet!)? It's a MUST DO!!!  Cathy and her hoodlum crew set up each month in Canton... and whatever you have planned for this week-end you should just cancel now and go MEET them!!!  They are in Canton, Row 46 in the Paul Michael building.  Seriously - you won't believe your eyes... their creativity and KINDNESS will just leave you speechless!

I missed seeing YOU there!!!  Had you wandered in the door I would have showed you my spoon...

"the Mindy" knew I need a spoon around my neck - so she had one made for me!  I know, I KNOW!  You're incredibly jealous - but you can't have mine...

but you could easily nab one of this girls' (she's wearing some spoons AND keys) from The Primitique. Poor doll head... she's in jail and having to stare at the keys that could set her free...

Comin' to you LIVE from a single-wide where I'm under lock & key in the "la.bor.a.tory" trying to get ready for Warrenton!  What have you been doing?

where is red.neck Chic?

*** WARNING ***

grab your coffee 'cause i am feeling EXTREMELY talkative and i would LOVE IT if you stayed and spent some time with me!!!

we will steal Cat Daddy's chair.

first: i know... i know... i have become the most HORRIBLE of informants... i should proll'y have my "i will tell you things" license revoked IMMEDIATELY!!!

i've become the red.neck version of Waldo... but instead of being lost in a crowd of people - i'm lost in a pig sty la.BOR.a.tory full of fabric and duct tape and pocketbooks and memory cards containing a million photos (half of which are Cat Daddy sightings) and greeting cards and jewelry and dish towels and pearl-snap shirts and soap and candles and odd pieces of furniture... and all kinds of fun junk sitting around waiting for me to "red.neck" it up... plus a few other things i'm probably purposely forgetting about... PLUS a few great and fun things rattling around in my brain waiting to come out!!! it took me TWO HOURS last night to clean off 3 square feet of my cutting table! craziness!

for the record - that whole entire long notgrammaticallycorrect last sentence is not a complaint!!! ('sides. i'm not known for being grammatically correct ANY time. or schpealling corectly fer that madder.)

thrown in the mix for fun - i have been spending a lot more time at The Hillsboro Antique Mall - either harasing customers or destroying - and then trying to FIX MY OWN DESTRUCTION - "red.neckville" which has grown up some more, and filled in/out A LOT more!

Kim and David, CEO's of City Farmhouse and Kristi (aka: Sugar Bear), CEO of Junkology 101/Checkered Past

then we have the man-child who is 18 and that means... well... not much has changed there except: football season has happened and i have to go grin and embarrass the man-child because i like to take a million and one pictures of him and he hates that.

i don't care. *click* *snap*

this past friday night he played the "Star Spangled Banner" for the football game with the "trombone quartet". the feeling of "mama PRIDE" that i felt while watching and listening was... indescribable.

take a week + out of all of that and plant me in a cow pasture with the two most AWESOME of people and i'm in red.neck HEAVEN!

speaking of - do you like the eye candy i'm throwing in to make you grin and swoon? it's all photos i took from Mama Debinator and Cat Daddy's space at Marburger.

I give you:

THEEEEEEEE Kitty Cat Daddy!!!

i got to spend a WEEK with Kitty Cat Daddy! better than that? i was ASSIGNED to Kitty Cat Daddy! you betcha I was doing the happy dance when Mama Debinator gave me THAT assignment!

i've talked about my Grandparents before - my Grandfather - and just how very important in my life my Grandparents were... what a difference my Grandfather made - and how much FUN we had!

well, though Cat Daddy isn't old enough to be my Grandfather (he and Mama Debinator (i think) just celebrated their 29th birthdays you know...), Cat Daddy reminds me SO MUCH of Grampy. which... is a wonderful thing in my opinion! I got that whole warm fuzzy feeling for a whole week!

Cat Daddy is a man of few words - but works hard - then grins and plays hard!

i like to just trail along behind him and watch how he does "engineering" work (meaning... it's amazing what Cat Daddy makes happen using cardboard and zip ties... or wire... or whatever he can get his hands on...) as we hung lights and curtains... picture frames and mirrors... naked people... all kinds of things!

he can cart furniture off like nobody's BUSINESS! things that I thought FOR SURE would not fit on the dolly DID and i was left thinking, "how did he do that?!"!

if you ask Cat Daddy about something - ANYTHING - he usually knows what you're asking about, some history behind it and how it works. mind you... some of it might be what HE thinks it is and how HE thinks it works - but, in my opinion, that makes it more fun - and it usually makes more sense!

cookie breaks. Those are a must - and they happen just as all cookie breaks MUST happen.

i learned how to screech around sharp corners like a world class stunt driver... while going 10mph.

Cat Daddy is patient... each morning (which in HIS opinion starts WAY earlier than when Mama Debinator and I think it should) he would just sit and wait for us to be ready to "get out on the job-site". that - right there - says a lot about him!!!

Vienna Sausage will - from here on out - be referred to as: "VYEENY WEENIES" and are always best when warmed up on the dash of the truck.

and THEN there is Mama Debinator! good GRIEF - she is crooked as crooked can GET!

when i set-up red.neckville on the road and in the antique mall - i am very linear in my displays. i adore multiples and simple groupings and line-ups of fun stuff. (could be a flashback from my jail day.. *shrug*)

Mama Debinator? nnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooo:

"turn it a little bit more"...

"hang this from that corner... no... angle it some more."

"i just had a brain fart..."

THAT statement always leads to climbing, doing some gymnastics and making things crooked.

by the end of the first day MY question was always: "is that crooked enough for you?"

let me tell you though... the Talkin' Trash space at Marburger was a magical land of fun junk, AWESOME junk, giggles and laughter, life lessons and wisdom... and coffee.

and crooked things.

Mama Debinator's space was as FABulous as she is!!!

for me? the whole week was absolutely priceless. i got to spend days and nights with two of the most important people in my life. (yes. i am bragging about that!) annnnnnnd i'm ready to do it again.

let's see... what else... oh - i got a part/time job. well, i won't really call it a JOB because...

uhmm...

I GET TO GO VISIT HONEY (i know, i know, you know all about Honey and how i stalk her like a crazed red.neck, but stay with me here!) 3 DAYS A WEEK!!! i am SO excited - THREE DAYS each week i get to lurk, loiter, soak in and LEARN in Honey's Home + Style... i get to puppy-dog Honey's footsteps and sponge up her wisdom - I GET TO PLAY WITH FABULOUS HOME PRODUCTS and BE SURROUNDED by ALL THINGS new and cutting edge - all things that make up Honey's STYLE!!!

for a red.neck with big dreams, goals and plans - this is such an AWESOME FABULOUS honor for me - and i can't stop grinning!!! i see great and fun things happening and all of this is going to be reflected in how "red.neck Chic" grows and matures and becomes all things funner! did i mention that i get to spend time in the MOST FABULOUS shop on earth with one of the MOST FABULOUS shop owners I know? oh - happy dance HAPPY DANCE!!!

i'm sure that there is a whole lot more i'm forgetting to tell you about, but i figure you're out of coffee (and you might be falling asleep in "the throne" because it is THAT comfortable!) and i think i just saw sparks flying out of my coffee maker... that REALLY can't be a good thing i don't think...

comin' to you LIVE from a single-wide where i THANK YOU for being you and for sitting and visiting with me!!! you DO KNOW that YOU are super special to me and i promise - i'll get better at being an informant!!! right after i see why there are sparklers in my kitchen...

xoxoxoxo